CHRISTIAN ATHLETES
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Christian Athletes : Kevin Ebel
My Testimony: Coming to Know God
Intro:
My journey in faith and walk with God began just a short time ago. Prior to being saved, my life was a mess to say the least. I dealt with constant struggles my whole life. I had a longing for something more, something greater, something better. What it was, I did not know. I did know however that my life was incomplete. I longed for a purpose, a reason to be happy and to say the worst, a reason to live.
I grew up in a somewhat religious environment. Though it was never truly practiced in the sense that I have come to know now, it was there on the sidelines. I went to private schools my entire adolescence. It was in this time that I learned of God but never fully understood Him and why I needed Him. Any so called religion or spirituality I practiced was done out of fear and superstition.
I went through all the timed out religious experiences that were meant to further strengthen my bond in faith. However, I went through these ritualistic ceremonies not on my own free will but out of reverence to my parents. I was not guided spiritually on my own to put into practice anything that my schooling or upbringing had attempted to teach me. I had learned of faith, how to be a good person and what God was, yet I did not feel any connection to Him or as though I had to look to Him for guidance.
The problem:
Once I graduated high school, I moved away to college. At that time, I dealt with many personal struggles, many of which had begun while in high school. I stopped going to church at that time. I felt no need to go. Why should I? I got nothing out of it. I put nothing into it either. The only reason for me to go was to somehow make a deal with God that if I would, He would fix all the problems in my life. Since I never saw any immediate responses, obviously there was no need for me to go. Why go and be a part of something that you do not feel a part of? I had very selfish attitudes about religion and about God.
It was these attitudes that caused me to close myself off to any spiritual influences that were trying to work in me. I contemplated life and my existence for years. I often struggled with thoughts of suicide. I hated myself and who I was. I could not stand the person I was. I longed for something more, something greater but did not know where to find comfort. I thought I could fix things myself.
Eventually I began to try to fill this void in my life through the use of drugs and alcohol. I became very caught up in the ways of the world and many of my actions and attitudes were self-pleasing. I closed myself off from others and became one of the most miserable and hate filled people you could ever come across. It was a wonder that I had any friends. Though they often joked about my negative and grumpy attitudes I felt that it was not my problem but theirs instead. I was consumed with self-pity.
As I was preparing to write out my testimony to share with you, I happened to be cleaning out some of my closets at home. In the process of doing so, I found a box that was filled with things from college. I now call this box, the box of pain. In it I found stories and poems that were plagued with my hate and disgust for my life. Amongst the midst of these things, I found a poem. It was a poem that I had written which was similar in nature to many of the others. As I read it though, I realized that this poem was different than the rest. In it, I read of a young man who was searching for something. He was searching for comfort, guidance, and wisdom. I realize now that the young man who wrote this poem, though he did not realize it at the time, was writing this poem as he was crying out to God.
As I went through this box, memories of the man I once was came flooding back to me. Upon the completion of this journey back in time, I began to weep. I felt a rush of emotion sweep over me that I had not felt since I was saved. I cried in rejoice at the wonderful works God has made in my life. I am so thankful for my relationship with Him now. I regret my past but I know that I would not be here today had I not gone through those struggles. I know now that He knew what I needed. He knew that I would ask Him into my life when I grew to realize that I could no longer continue being the man I was. He knew that I needed Him, long before the thought ever occurred to me.
How I came to know God:
The day was September 11, 2001 . We all recall that day, the day the world changed. The images of those two towers burn in your minds right now as I mention that day. Though the world and our nation suffered a great loss, I know that God used that day for His purpose. I consider that day to be the day that I began to search for God. Sure I searched for Him before, didn’t know I was searching for Him and even on that day, I didn’t know it. But it was at that time that my journey to Him was beginning to take its course. The Sunday after that terrible day, I questioned if I should go to church. It was at that moment that I began to question if I needed God in my life. Unfortunately I did not go. Though I had discussed that thought with a friend of mine.
Several months later, I began to go to church. I may have gone three or four consecutive Sundays in a row before I quit going. You see, I had realized that I was going for the sake of going because I felt I had to. It was as if I was once again trying to make a deal with God. That if I went, He would make all things right. As I would sit in church and observe those fellow church goers around me, I would think. I watched them as they all came in and sat down with their emotionless blank hearts, going through the motions of their religion. Something was missing from this. Still unsure what this could be, I knew I didn’t want to be a part of it.
Shortly after this time, in the following spring, I sat down and had another conversation with the same friend I spoke with months before. I can not recall what the conversation was about but it led to many more. God was at work within me and within my friend. He had a very strong hold on her and He used her to bring me to Him. Our conversations were not at the time always focused on life or on God but those are definitely the most memorable of the conversations that we had.
I guess I sought her out because I saw her as having something I wanted. I saw within her something different, something I hadn’t seen in others. I knew she was different but did not know why or how she was different. I knew prior to approaching her about my questions, that she went to church a lot. I knew that she was active in her parish and I guess I was just searching for someone to bounce ideas off of. Someone who I felt appeared to be strong in her faith. I wanted to know why she was the way she was.
She began to slowly tell me about God and how He had changed her life. She discussed these things with such a reverence and a passion and I could not understand why. To me it made no sense, yet I still wanted more answers. What I called fate and destiny, she called God’s plan. What she called being a Christian, I called being a good person. I told her that I thought there was probably a God, but I didn’t really believe it. How could I, He hadn’t done anything for me. He never answered my worries. To me, if you were a good person, then that’s all you had to do to be right in God’s eye, if there even was a God.
After several months and many long late night conversations, I finally asked her if I could go to church with her. I figured, maybe if I go I can see what it is that makes her tick. Why does she have such strong convictions about God? How can she have such blind faith in something that causes so much debate?
So in June of 2002, I went with her one Sunday to her church. Immediately I noticed that there was something different about this church and the people in it. It was different than anything I had ever experienced before. They all appeared as though they were actually participating in the service. There existed a free spirit rather than a dull monotonous presence. For the first time in my life I saw a place filled with people who all appeared to be the same as my friend. It was obvious to me that they all had a passion. They all felt God’s presence in their lives and they all had a strong conviction for Him. How could this be, I asked?
The following Sunday, I went again to church with my friend. I longed to find out how these people could feel such emotion. I once again sat in the church and observed those around me. I paid very close attention to the words the Pastor spoke that day in his sermon. I realized that I actually was connecting with the words he spoke. This too was something I had never experienced.
He told of a story of a coach he once knew that claimed himself to be a Christian. The man did great things for his community and was held in high regard. To the outside world this man did many good things for others. Though the Preacher told us that it is not the deeds you do that make you a good Christian, its whether you do those deeds for God that makes you a Christian. He told us that this man struggled with his language. The man, though viewed good by people was not good in the eyes of God because he did not serve Him properly. He told of how the man had the worst fowl mouth he had ever known of. Surely a man of this nature could not be a man of God.
That message struck me personally. That man was the same man that I essentially was. I too thought that as long as I was good to others, then that’s all I needed to be in God’s eye. However, I spoke very harsh language. I realized that I worked in an environment where there is no room for such words, yet they were the staple of my language. Co-workers would often have contests to see how many times I could curse in a conversation! I had athletes, many of whom were young, that thought it was so cool to be around someone who would swear all the time. After-all, their parents brought them up trying to teach them that this was forbidden and here I was showing them how cool it was!
Upon the completion of his sermon he asked as he did the Sunday before, for everyone to bow their heads and close their eyes. Unlike the prior Sunday, when I merely looked around the room and watched in wonder at all those around me, I too at that time bowed my head. The Preacher began to pray and said that if you wanted God to come into your life and change you. If you wanted Him to make you complete and to fill the void you feel inside, then you should do so now and repeat the prayer that he was about to pray.
I thought that the Preacher was speaking directly to me! If I prayed the same prayer he was about to pray, then all those things I had been longing for could be answered? I thought for a second, realizing that the man in the sermon was the same man I was, and that those around me had something so much more than I. I knew I wanted that, so I figured, why not?
A Saved Man:
So at that moment I bowed my head and prayed to receive Christ into my life. From that moment, my life began to change. I began to feel a warmth sweep over me. My heart began to pound intensely. I thought my heart was about to leap from my chest. Surely this strange heat I was feeling would make me sweat. I found it increasingly hard to breathe. I tried to open my eyes but felt as though I couldn’t. It actually felt like my eyes were trying to roll up into the back of my head. How long this lasted, I do not know. Though it was all very strange, I had no idea what was taking place, yet I felt ok.
I said nothing to anyone about what had happened at the end of the service for fear that people would think I was nuts. But I realized that afternoon that there was something different about me. I went into a convenience store and passed by a magazine stand. On it was a magazine that had a picture of Ozzie Osbourne. The sight of the picture repulsed me in a way I could not understand. I had to turn my eyes away and I even recall muttering something about the devil.
Next, my eyes caught a tabloid magazine. Now usually I would find amusement in the headlines that adorn the cover. However I had a similar reaction to the previous magazine. I realized at that moment, that this is not like me. I began to question what was going on.
Later that week I was at work. One of the athletes had taken the Lord’s name in vain. My head spun so fast I should have gotten whiplash. I glared at them in disgust for their comment. Immediately I thought to myself, “what was that, why did I do that?” I began to notice myself doing the same thing to athletes who swore in my presence. I found all of this rather strange. At the same time however, I realized that I had not sworn for several days.
Other people began to notice a difference in me as well, even to whom those I spoke with on the phone. They would ask me if everything was alright, because I wasn’t littering the conversation with fowl language.
A couple of weeks later, a long time friend came to visit. During his stay, he was introduced to my friend, who by that time began courting. Of course being the first time they met, he felt the need to bring her up to speed with my past. He told of many stories about the things I had done throughout my life. I, for the first time in my life felt embarrassed for having done such things. The stories he told were stories that we had shared so many times when friends get together. But rather than joining in and boasting about my devious adventures, I drew back from the conversation. I felt very shameful of my past. I began to be filled with regret for the things I had done in my life.
Several days later, I felt the need to seek council. I met with the Pastor and told him of the events that had occurred in the past several weeks, beginning with that particular Sunday in June. He became filled with excitement and began to point out scripture to me showing me that in the bible it tells of my experiences. He told me that I had been saved and that Jesus Christ is now in my life. That the Holy Spirit was beginning to work within me. I was beginning to change. He said that my life would be different now that the Holy Spirit was in me.
Honestly, I wasn’t too sure what to think about my meeting with the Preacher. I was still somewhat skeptical and yet a part of me believed him. A part of me told me that this all made sense and that I was now different. After all, I was noticing a change of heart and a difference in my outlook, and so were others.
I shared this with my girlfriend. She too was very excited for me. I told her of how I had been feeling lately with the changes I had noticed. I told her of my shame for my past. She then read to me Romans 6:20-23. That passage perfectly described the way I had been feeling about all the guilt in my past. I struggled with the fact that the words she just read told me that despite all that, God would forgive me of my sins. I began to feel the same sense of warmth, the quickening of my heart, the short shallow panicky breaths. Suddenly, I began to cry out of weakness, shame, guilt, joy, and happiness.
Several weeks later I was baptized and a sense of peace swept over me. I felt comforted and relaxed. I realized that afternoon as I looked out across the mountain range, that I felt happy, I felt good about myself and who I was. For several weeks I noticed that as I walked around, be it outside or at an airport, things were different. It was as if I was looking at things, at people, at nature, and at life itself with new eyes. It was as if though I had never seen a tree before. Everything I saw drew my attention, everything was beautiful and inspiring.
From that time on, my walk with God has been filled with wondrous blessings and many encouraging people. One of the greatest thrills I experienced after being saved was sitting down with a former athlete of mine and talking about God. Based on our experiences together as coach and athlete, neither of us never would have thought that one day the two of us would sit up late at night and discuss the wonders of God in our lives.
To this day, the attitude in my weight room is different. Athletes, no longer swear as they used to. If someone does slip, they immediately apologize. No I never instituted any rules about language, but I guess, they only responded in a manner that I displayed.
I have met many wonderful people since coming to know the Lord. I was never one to read. But since my walk with God began, I have read a good deal of the bible and 8 books about living a Godly life. It gives me great joy to share with people the wonderful changes that have occurred in my life since my relationship with God began. I look forward to each Sunday, and each day in the week when I have the opportunity to go to bible study. I become filled with such a sense of strength as I not only pray but as I share God with others.
And as for that friend of mine, who helped God to guide me on my journey. Well, we were married in June of 2003 and have now share in the joy of our son born in 2005. I look forward to the great things God has planned for me and our family. I know that God has a plan for me and that He will use me for His purpose. As He continues to work within me, I know that he will bless me with many things, things that I never thought were possible.
My Prayer:
Dear Lord Heavenly Father,
You created me and made me who I am today. You have forgiven me of my past and have brought me back to you. You have made me complete through your love. Father, as you have led me to be more like Christ, you have provided me with so many precious gifts. I thank you for all you have done and all that you are about to do in my life. For I am yours Father, to carry out your will. I thank you for being in my life, today and forever.
Amen.
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